8 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist
5. Promises to change
If persuasion, guilt, and attention-getting behaviors don’t pull you back into the relationship, the narcissist pulls out the promise to change. Suddenly the narcissist says (s)he understands why you are upset and ready to leave. (S)he appears to be taking responsibility for his/her behaviors. (S)he promises to go to therapy, do everything you ask, do things your way. (S)he is so, so sorry to have hurt you.
This is a tempting appeal for a caretaker who truly wants the relationship to work. Now it seems that the narcissist finally understands what you’ve been saying and is ready to make things right. (S)he seems genuinely sincere. You breathe a sigh of relief and hope builds in you again.
Inevitably this hope disintegrates. Narcissists can’t stop trying to control you, and they can’t seem to control their own behaviors for any length of time. For a while, you think things are getting better. However, when the narcissist gets comfortable in the relationship again, (s)he’ll go back to being self-absorbed, inconsiderate, arrogant, insensitive, and be blaming. And invariably if things don’t go his/her way, (s)he’s instantly back to the same defensive and antagonistic patterns. How many times you’re willing to believe the narcissist’s false promises is up to you.