8 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist
3. Attempts to guilt-trip you into staying
Guilt is a powerful tool for the narcissist to pull you back into the relationship. The narcissist brings up every time he has done something nice for you or stresses how much he cares about you or reminds you of the wonderful times you’ve had together. If the positives don’t work to bring you back, narcissists default to their devaluing attacks. Any complaint you have made about the narcissist will be turned around on you. Narcissists consistently blame their partners for behaviors they are actually exhibiting in that very moment—screaming, name-calling, hostility, selfishness, hatred, and passive-aggressiveness, to name a few.
Being told you are selfish, unkind, cruel, greedy, stingy, or hurting someone’s feelings can be especially painful to a caretaker. You work so hard to never do or be those things and almost never even have those kinds of feelings, so you feel deeply wronged. These comments are such a clear indication that the narcissist doesn’t know you or see you for who you are, and that can be heartbreaking.
These kinds of accusations also increase your feelings of guilt, so you’re more likely to redouble your efforts to prove to the narcissist that you’re not that kind of person. That’s just what the narcissist wants because it reengages you in the relationship. Once the narcissist has goaded you into reacting, (s)he can keep you feeling powerless, guilty, and be participating in the relationship until (s)he’s ready to end it.