8 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist
2. Attempts to convince you you’ve made a mistake
After months or years of being told you’re wrong and having your decisions devalued by the narcissist, you are probably prone to second-guessing yourself. And the narcissist will certainly try to convince you that you’ve made a mistake. (S)he tries charisma, coaxing, persuasion, and then intimidation, goading, and outright provocation to get back in control of the relationship.
The narcissist will say, “You just misinterpreted what I said. Of course, you should know that deep down I love you; why do I have to say it all the time? What about all the good times we’ve had together? You look at the negative too much. You don’t understand the stress I’ve been under lately. You take things too personally. You’re overreacting. You’re too emotional.”
Although the narcissist tries to sound positive about the relationship and why you shouldn’t leave, you’ll notice that all these “reasons” are actually negative remarks about you and what is wrong with what you’re doing. These are not real encouragements to stay in the relationship; they are actually manipulations to lower your self-esteem so you won’t leave.
If the coaxing and persuasion don’t work, the narcissist can bring out the especially negative evaluations to trigger your sore spots and make you feel bad about yourself:
“You were nothing before you married me. Go back to that stupid family of yours and rot. You’ll be sorry when I’m out in California and making loads of money. I can find somebody who will really love me and always put me first.”
If the narcissist still needs you, (s)he won’t want you upsetting their plans. Your leaving gives you more emotional strength and power in the relationship by moving you further out of the narcissist’s control, and (s)he doesn’t want that to happen.